Koan
Not knowing is the most intimate
From “The Book of Equanimity”
The six patriarchs of Zen crammed within
a half opened plastic clamshell. Fat Buddha
behind them, squat though still able to peer
over the others’ shoulders. I held them
for the first time, eye-level, in my palm
at the thrift shop of the mental health center
where I worked listening closely to people
who in their lonelinesses were each like
the last of a species. The man who flushed
chicken bones down his toilet to block demons.
The woman who barricaded herself
in the motel room to shut out my objections
at her wedding to Axl Rose; the ballerina
of world-renown whose Swan Queen
tripped over every rug. For a few dollars
I took the masters home. Thirty years later
they sit on my desk and watch me.
Beside Buddha, the one who walked from India
to China, then sat crisscross nine years
immobile facing a cave wall. To stay awake,
he cut off his eyelids. His limbs withered.
Monks begged him for his teachings,
but he remained mum. No one can tell you why.
And for this, I am grateful.
Jason Gebhardt’s poems have appeared or are forthcoming in the The Southern Review, Poet Lore, Iron Horse Literary Review, Tinderbox Poetry Journal, and Tar River Poetry, among others. His chapbook Good Housekeeping won the 2016 Cathy Smith Bowers Prize. He is the recipient of multiple Artist Fellowships awarded by the DC Commission on the Arts and Humanities. He lives in Washington, DC.
“I was working as a counselor in a day program at a community mental health center, case managing people who were chronically mentally ill. They had this junk shop in which I found lots of cheap treasures. One day I came across this palm-sized plastic clamshell containing six robed men and the Buddha. Of course, I recognized the Buddha, but had no idea who the other guys were. Nonetheless, I knew I had to have it, so I forked over the few bucks and took it home. I only learned after I began practicing Zen meditation years later that these little guys were the first great teachers of Zen Buddhism, starting with Bodhidharma, the one who brought the Zen tradition from India to China. There are many koans—or teaching dialogues—that ask some version of the question: Why did Bodhidharma come to China?”